Empathy in Leadership – weakness or quiet strength?

Many of the Leaders I coach say that in order to survive in their environments (particularly in Corporates) they have had to harden themselves.  Some have survived these environments being promoted for their technical expertise, results-orientation or decisiveness, not necessarily for displaying vulnerability or emotional intelligence.  So, by ‘softening’ a little, do you put yourself in danger or do you open yourself up to the positive impact both personally and to those around you.  Is it worth the risk?

Perhaps empathy in the workplace has been misunderstood.  Some say it was, and maybe still is, viewed as being soft, too emotional and too accommodating.  So instead, should the question be "Is empathy a weakness or is it humility in action?"

Let’s unpack what Empathy is.  It is not about avoiding difficult conversations and conflict, and it's not about agreeing with everyone.  It is the ability to genuinely understand and appreciate where another person is coming from – their emotions, perspective and experience - without losing your authority or your boundaries.

There are three facets to empathy and great Leaders know how to use and balance them:

1.      Emotional empathy – sensing and connecting with how they feel

2.      Cognitive empathy – understanding how another person thinks

3.      Compassionate empathy – responding with both care and appropriate action

The toughening up or hardening of one’s heart has resulted in reduced empathy.  In the workplace today, this oftentimes is seen as or manifests as uncertainty, burnout, gaps in generational understanding, stresses and pressures in life.  This tells us that empathy is not a luxury but a Leadership necessity.

So, what happens when a Leader holds and displays empathy?

• It creates psychological safely

• It strengthens collaboration

• It builds high levels of trust

• It improves team engagement

• It helps navigate conflict more effectively

• It effectively retains talent

• It leads change with greater influence and impact

  
  

Overall, empathy strengthens accountability as people are far more willing to contribute, perform and show up when they feel heard, seen and respected.

BUT empathy is not automatic.

The good news however is that empathy can be developed, and it starts with:

·       Practising presence in conversations

·       Listening for understanding rather than for response

·       Increasing awareness of personal biases and assumptions

·       Asking better questions

·       Learning how to emotionally regulate

·       Increasing your curiosity instead of reactiveness

Taking these and working with a Coach can become transformative.  Coaching creates a reflective space many Leaders rarely allow themselves.  In coaching conversations, Leaders can begin unpacking:

• How past experiences have shaped their leadership style

• Why they might struggle to connect with some people

• What their triggers are that result in impatience or defensiveness

• What’s the difference between rescuing and empathy

• How to simultaneously hold both accountability and compassion

In the coaching space, empathy shifts from being a “soft skill” to a powerful leadership competency.

The Leaders who will most likely thrive in the workplace won’t necessarily be the toughest, loudest or most controlling.  They will be the ones who can combine clarity with humanity. 

People may forget what you said, but they will rarely forget how you made them feel.